Anxiety Is Not My Friend.

Anxiety and depression suck!

Everything can be (and basically is) going so well but the feeling of foreboding just lingers like a bad smell.

Im having panic attacks just driving through town, anticipation of the expected blast of extra people that will inevitably be filling the town over the holidays.

The days are draaaaaagggging!

All energy is a beautiful, distant memory of days gone by when I could wake up one morning and decide to paint an entire room and have it done by evening.

All activities, big or small, take careful planning.

I want to stake the tomatoes? Better make sure I'm not working the next day in case my back seizes and I exhaust myself.

It's pathetic and destroying and frustrating and heartbreaking.

I am trying so hard to just be.

All the things I love to do, the things that make me who I am, just exhaust me at the thought.

Crocheting seems like running a marathon and aches my head.

I want to crochet but when I think about picking up some wool and a hook it seems too hard.

I am thankful to have finished the twin's blankets before their arrival.

I have the Dahlia yarn pack from Attic24 still tucked away.

The colours are screaming at me, my heart needs their warmth and vibrancy, but can I really be bothered?

The sun comes out to warm my bones but it's easier to lay in bed than sit on a chair out the back.

I force myself to make short trips to the beach for Son3, before the crowds arrive.

It's taken me this long to write a blog post and here I am, whinging.

As Son2 would say.. you want some cheese with that whine?

I hope I can look back at this post in the very near future and think, thank goodness I got through that.

Holidays are coming up.

I will be able to rest up, absorb the sunshine and moon glow, take my time and hopefully feel better.

Big apologies for a very negative post but better out than in, right?

🤍

A New Chapter

We woke on a Tuesday morning before the sun had risen, with a circus of anticipation pelting through our bodies.

It was the day we has waited a month for.

Excuse after reason after many sleepless nights of scary uncertainty, wondering if our family including our furry and feathered loves would be forced to separate if this day didn't come soon.

Office opening hours came and went with no word.

We paced.

Checked our phones for any missed calls or messages.

Then news.. we will meet at 1 o'clock.

My stars, we couldn't wait!

But then more reasons and excuses.

So much heartache for something that should have been  one of our happiest days.

But the inevitable happened.

Just much later in the day and month than we were told to expect. 

At 5.20pm on the 28th of September we were given the keys to our new family home!

I am so, so smitten with our new nest.

I unpacked quite quickly, filling the spaces with our beloved possessions wondering how on Earth I managed to fit it all in my previous little house. 

We have been so blessed to have the wonderful friends that we do, that generously offered space for storage.

I had potted plants I couldn't bear to part with taking up too much space in one friends backyard, along with towers of boxes in her shed. Our furniture was in another friends storage shed and all of our yard tools, shed contents and garden and outdoor items were at another location.

The chookies and ducks were at one house, Pooch Girl, Kitty Puss and us humans at another.

Even my indoor plants were having a long sleepover at another friends house!

Initially we expected to only need the storage space and roof over our heads for a week at the very most.

But one week turned into two.

And another.

It was hard not to feel like we were abusing our friendships by wearing out our welcome but our friends really shone for us and we will never forget their unconditional tolerance and support, and will always be there to return the kindness.

So here we are, settling in.

This is home now. 

It doesn't quite have that homely feel yet but I will bring it in time.

14 years in my last house, who's to say it won't take that long to turn this into our comfortable little haven?

But I know it won't.

There are countless moths that fly around the house at night.

This moth-girl loves it!

We have a fruiting mulberry tree and passionfruit vines.

The fruit trees that moved with us are thriving in their pots for now.

Some vegie seedlings are in.

Hedges ripped out and roses and natives take their place.

The chookies and ducks have a nice pen to share and are giving us lots of happy eggs.

Kitty Puss settled in incredibly fast.

And Pooch Girl.

Oh, my beautiful sweet girl.

Her 13 years seem to have caught up to her overnight and we have been advised that she is just on quality of life now.

Her arthritis has become so severe she drags her feet, her lady legs get crossed up while she walks, hearing is almost completely gone.. 

She still smiles and thumps her tail when she sees us.

She cannot sit up so we lie with her and let her nuzzle her nose into the folds of our elbows, giving herself the good scratch she can't use her legs for.

I have been off work this week with back problems so Pooch Girl and I rest together watching movies and working on rainbow baby blankets for twins.

I managed to finish Son3's rainbow blanket before the move, photos to come.

 

I also created two 9x5 entries for an annual auction one of our local art centres hold.

So great to have a designated space to make a colourful mess in now. 

And nobody had a problem with me claiming the office as my art room - hooray!

Alas, the bookcase is proving problematic. 

Too many books, not enough shelves, not high enough on the list of priorities.

The rain is falling heavy on the tin roof making me drowsy.

Kitty Puss is balled up beside me, already chasing moths around the land of dreams.

Time for me to join the rest of my snoring family...

🤍🤍🤍